Because I Choose to…Not Because I am Obligated to
At some point in life you find that there few things you are obligated to do anymore. If you are divorced then you are obligated to pay either child support or alimony or both. If you have a chronic illness (like diabetes or high blood pressure) you are obligated to do the best you can to take care of your physical health. But when it comes to your adult children and their kids (your grand children are you obligated or do you choose to help? Do you choose to take time out of your life to do what you can to help but not be obligated to do for them?
This is issue I am facing in my face with my adult kids and my grandchildren. I keep coming back to one point …
There is a difference between being obligated to care for them and choosing to care for them. What’s the difference you ask? The difference is choice. I choose to have my grandchildren come stay with me once a month and spend my time with them making it fun , taking them place doing things. Once upon a time ago I raised two kids my kids I was obligated to take care of them and I did to the very best of my ability. But they are adults. One of them has children of their own (my granddaughters)who I love dearly and enjoy spending time with them as much as possible. But lately I see a disturbing trend. That trend is my daughter and her mother seem to think shooting me a text saying it’s my turn to watch my granddaughter is something I have to do or obligated to do. But what if I am not even going to be in town what then? Or simply how about asking me if I am available to watch them on the weekend showing some respect for my time energy and resources instead of assuming that I have to do it? As I mentioned to my daughter …I do this because I choose to, I want to because I love my granddaughters and when they are in my care I take care of them. But not because I have to.
When someone feels you are obligated they treat you different as well, they assume your time, meaning as in this case assuming I have nothing to do or rework my schedule because I have to. Don’t assume anything …or as in the words of the 70’s show “the Odd Couple” When you assume …you make an …of u and me.
Old Dog Learned New Trick with Grandbabies
I had the opportunity to spend the weekend with my granddaughters for the first time in a while. They are 5 and 3 and yes they are adorable. The 5 year old Is the boss of the two and she is the protective big sister to the 3 year old. The 3 year old follows the lead of the big sister. Simple right? Not so fast …the 3 year old surprised me on a few occasions over the weekend. While she follows still she picks when she wants to follow and not always blindly either. I couldn’t put my finger on it but something about the 3 year old was different this time. The 5 year old had a couple of moments that she got very upset when things didn’t go her way , at that point she gets very stubborn and yes the tantrums come, but it was the way I handled it maybe is what got rolling differently too. I admit when it comes to children I am very old school, kids are seen not heard and tantrums says you want something more to cry about. I know you can’t discipline like the way many old schoolers were so…I used to do the time out …too much work …this time this old school learned something different. When the 5 year old got out of sorts I took her in the bedroom away from everyone else so not to embarrass her and then calmly got her to slowly calm down and mention what she needs to do and allow her time to wipe her tears get herself together and told when she is ready come and join the rest of us in the next room. A minute later she was back in the next room with the rest of us happily doing what she was told was acceptable behavior in the first place. The first time I was surprised, the second time was alittle more challenging but I did what I did the first time and she even threw in this question…Am I going to get punished?… My replied was no and I hugged her and reassured her that I love her and that we need to rejoin the rest of the family in the next room. She wiped her face and we went in the next room and rejoined everyone else. In the past when my kids were that age I would have handled it differently. Now…I’m grandpa and guess what my time to spoil them with as much love as they can get for the time I have with them. They live an hour away from me, they live with my ex wife, while my daughter is working on getting her life in order, so a lot of things I have to consider when I deal with them. Oh what about the 3 year old I said something was different about her…she is becoming independent. She becoming more than just the little sister, she is becoming her own person. Amazing.
One Man's Opinion 