Some time we are our own worse enemy. We expect more from ourselves then we do others or than others expect from us. Why? Why are we harder on ourselves and expect more? Is our focus of reality fuzzy?
Being too hard on ourselves has the reverse affect of being counter productive. Nothing is ever good enough, we don’t enjoy anything and we put so much pressure on ourselves that we make ourselves depressed.
It good to have expectations and it is good to work with in the frame work of those expectations but when they are so deep to the point that we do more harm to ourselves then we need to step back and refocus and keep our expectations based on reality.
by Michael McNair
1. You work very hard in the professional life of your choice, to achieve the success you want. Career and Love are one of the two most important avenues we use to add fulfillment to our lives. In the case of you choosing your career, you are adding value to your life in the selfish sense, but there comes a point in your work that you begin to love it so much that you don’t even focus your time or energy on the rewards that can potentially come out of it. You do it just because. And that my friend, is called being selfless. You’re working hard. You have goals and aspirations that you value so wholeheartedly that you are not going to stop until you reach them even if you are comfortable with the idea that things might not end up as how you imagined them to be.
2. You know when to “treat” yourself.
Even though you spend more time with yourself than anybody ever will, you know how to entertain yourself. You take yourself to go see the latest Ryan Gosling, or perhaps you enjoy painting or writing in your journal. Whatever that “quality” time may look like for you, you value that because it is one of the very few times when you can truly take a break from all of the commitments that bombard our everyday lives.
3. You are mindful of your health.
Okay, so you may not go running every day, or go to the gym five times a week, however, you are very conscious of your own physical health goals and you make it a point to get that in as much as you can. Whether that be not running daily, but signing up to do a race every other weekend, to going to the gym, maybe only three times a week, your body is your temple.
4. You are okay with being “by yourself,” and alone in the company of your own thoughts. We are what we think. There is no getting around that. You know that how you treat people, the certain types of decisions you make in your life, and how you organize your entire life is a reflection of your “alone time.” When no one is around, you meditate, take walks, listen to music, or read. Your alone time is the one space in your day where you get to sit back to train your thinking. This is perhaps one of the greatest hobbies you have. Your own friends may even look at you crazy for you loving to spend time with yourself so much. This is NOT something that the average person loves doing, and most people would rather be distracted with whomever’s company or in the company of their jobs than to spend true quality time reaffirming the worthiness of their own time.
5. You prioritize your values over what everyone else values for you.
I always talk about how family or friends love to test your loyalty to them by giving you ultimatums as to what you should be doing. Instead of getting caught in the emotional strain of things (which can be very misleading at times), you’re like, fuck it. You are going to do what you want to do. You will think you are being selfish and insensitive at first, and it kind of will be, but who would you rather be? The person who does what everyone wants them to do and always ending up in a situation they dread because they didn’t want to hurt the other party’s feelings? Or be the person whose time everyone respects?
6. You look in the mirror and love what you see!
One day you looked in the mirror and you weren’t repulsed by what you saw. Then, you started doing the same thing over and over until you started becoming comfortable at who you were looking at. Truthfully, it is really difficult to defeat the insecurity train. No matter how anyone tries to come off as if they have their own beauty situation figured out and that they are completely comfortable with how they look 24/7, no one is. Self-acceptance takes work. You know this and perhaps, you even laugh at how ridiculous the criticism you give yourself sometimes, because deep down inside you know that you are your worst judge and that you have the power to be your biggest cheerleader as well. That’s real love right there.