Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater …is that really True?

Image result for images of men and women cheatersImage result for images of men and women cheatersImage result for images of men and women cheaters

It’s a subject that is touchy and personal, a subject that we don’t admit to whether we are male or female and sorry folks I hate to go there but women cheat as much as men do, if men cheat who do the cheat with ? Women! But that isn’t the main point of this entry. I was reading an article about Once a cheat always a cheat , how likely people are to stray second time around, and after reading the article, I began thinking about my own experience and about how I felt then and how I feel now. If I cheated once will I cheat again ? Knowing from experience first hand all the things that when down ….not likely. I would be more likely to sit talk and then as a last resort walk away if it came to that, not cheat. Not again! The one thing the article didn’t mention is that people can change, once a cheater not always a cheater if …Big IF here folks if we learn from what we did the last time. If we only learn how not to get caught then yes we will or in my case yes then I will cheat again, but if I learn that I need to be open and honest and keep the lines of communication open, if I learn not to let a look turn to a glance of I’d love to …or she looks hot I want to …and dismiss any and all thoughts that will lead me down that path yet again then I have truly learned my lesson.

Let’s puts this out there and be real about it…Men see the physical part of cheating , Women see the emotional attachment that you are drifting toward when a man cheats…a woman catches her man looking at another woman as they are walking down the street …the man says what? I was only looking I didn’t do anything wrong, a woman reads that as I’m here next to you and you’re looking at someone else and you’re drooling at her as if you want her …in order words men …your woman is insulted and you have already strayed all that was missing was the time place and opportunity to act on that lustful look.

There is more to cheating than just the physical act of kissing someone or having sex with them, it is the emotional attachment that comes before it even gets to that  …the longing look beyond the glance, it is the lustful look that we don’t dismiss or the longing of why can’t my mate/spouse/ partner be hot like that or look like that or act like that or smell like that …it is that lustful look that pulls at us that opens the door completely to next justifying going to the next step of making our feelings known to that person…at that point all that is missing is the opportunity to act out those lustful desires. Not every cheater is caught but every cheater knows what they did.

So back to the question asked earlier If I cheated once will I cheat again?

Your thoughts

 

https://www.yahoo.com/style/once-a-cheat-always-a-cheat-how-likely-are-people-to-stray-second-time-round-170225748.html

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43 responses

  1. No – once a cheater NOT always a cheater. I hear you BUT I would think twice about dating a guy who I knew had cheated previously.

    I’m going to be unpopular for saying this but what I’ve learnt through dating the past year is that there is ALWAYS two sides to a story/relationship. Even if he was the cheater, she still has to be blamed. Why? She made a bad judgement call. She is not purely a victim. When we are in love, we believe what we want and are blind to the other person’s flaw. So yes, both parties are too blame. But like you said its an opportunity for learning. Both for the cheater and the cheated.

    Would love your thoughts on my latest post. Haven’t heard from you much at rinse recently: https://rinsebeforeuse.wordpress.com/2016/06/01/review-the-wedding-countdown-ruth-saberton-idealising-arranged-marriage/

    1. I was fortunate that my wife looked past that when we met. She gave me a clean slate and we have wonderful relationship.

      1. That’s good. She is a better woman than me. But maybe for the right guy we let our guard down…

      2. Wouldn’t you want a man to do the same of you though? Give you a clean slate as it were?

      3. Of course. But I haven’t ever cheated. And it’s that action I have an issue with. But I do hear what you are saying.

      4. It’s good that you never cheated. Have someone cheated on you?

      5. Yes! That’s why I’d rather avoid a cheater in the future. Not saying everyone must. And maybe I’m cutting off my nose to spite my face but we’ll see…

      6. There are reasons why people cheat and not everyone will cheat again. Be open to someone with that past. Someone needs a clean slate

      7. Sure. As I said before I understand there are two sides to every story.

      8. I can speak for me when I say I learned my lesson painfully but I learned.

    2. To which woman are you referring as not the victim? The woman the guy slept with or his wife/significant other? I agree that the woman sleeping with the man should be held accountable for bad behavior, however SHE did not have a commitment to the wife and SHE did not make a vow/promise to stay faithful (unless of course she herself is married in which case that sounds like something for Jerry Springer and is a whole different story)…HE did. As for the wife or significant other being cheated on, I don’t care what they have done, there is no excuse for cheating. If you (not YOU but the person who is cheating) think the love has gone out of the marriage, leave your wife or husband and get a divorce. THEN start dating. Or if you think they don’t understand you, you’re not close any more, or you’re just plain bored. End the relationship before venturing back into the dating scene or rather, the sex scene. The wife, husband, or significant other you’re cheating on deserves better.

      1. I get what you are saying and all. I am not justifying what the cheater has done. All I am saying is that the person who got cheated on also made a bad judgement call on who they dated. They can’t play victim, it was a poor choice unless it was a situation where they were forced into an arranged marriage, etc.

      2. I agree — IF the person realizes they married a serial cheater. But what if they didn’t know? I mean, how many serial cheaters have a label on their forehead that they are in fact cheaters? And wow! wouldn’t that make things a lot easier for the rest of us? LOL Some men and women are extremely charismatic and are able to hide their true personalities.

      3. not everyone is a serial cheater…each circumstance is different and we can’t label each the same. I am speaking from experience on this

      4. And I’m serious too (sort of)…labels would be ideal! It would certainly save a lot of us a great deal of grief. 😀 Love your blog by the way!

      5. Thank you and I appreciate your comments especially on this subject. It would be great if labels were there for us to see ..take away a lot of guess work but if it were that simple we may miss out on a person genuinely changing for the better

      6. Labels aren’t meant for the ones who have or are willing to change. At least not in my little ideal world. LOL They’re meant to show us who will hurt us and do us wrong. 😀 Ahhh, if only…

      7. yet the lessons learned are priceless with out the labels lol

      8. Boy isn’t that the truth! But some of us could do without quite so many lessons…. 😀

      9. if it is that many then it sounds like we aren’t learning lol

      10. Or the person or both persons change over the course of time which happens especially in a long term marriage 20 or 30 year marriage .

      11. True true. Remember though change can be positive or negative. Works both ways.

      12. in a relationship we general think of change as a negative getting bad or getting worse, but sometimes a person changes differently meaning they are looking to grow and mature in a way that their partner might resent out of jealously but not out of something negative

      13. The woman sleeping with the Husband maynot know he is married especially if he lied to her ….as you said leave get divorce then start dating …I did that but in the reverse order…started dating someone …leave and then divorce then date some more

      14. That’s very true. Depending on who he was chasing at the time, my ex would tell them flat out he was married or else he would tell them he wasn’t (or not mention it at all). Of course I didn’t find out any of that until much later. But being married sort of negates one’s (ha! used one instead of YOU! 😀 ) ability to date. Or it should anyway, if you’re doing marriage right.

      15. Is it not the whole point of marriage is to be with that special one and only to be exclusive forever??

      16. like you said some are serial cheaters either they have no self control or they refuse to change this is who I am and I am not going to change…then those are the ones to stay away from.

  2. In my experience, a cheater is always a cheater. There may have been just that one drunk time and it would never happen again…but I strongly believe that that is only because of the person being afraid of getting caught — self preservation being stronger than the sex drive. Not due to some devoted adoration or commitment to their significant other. So the desire is there, just not the act…and to me, that’s just as bad. And again, speaking from my personal experience, if a person is prone to cheating, they will continue to do so because their ability to commit or consider another person’s feelings and needs is simply not there. They think only of themselves and what THEY want and need. If you find someone who can forgive an extramarital affair and continue on in the relationship, consider yourself blessed. But I would bet there are always lingering doubts as to your trustworthiness. People are only human after all and once trust is broken, it’s hard as hell to get back, if it can, in fact, ever be recovered.

    1. As I said earlier it is more than just that act of sex it is the looking the longing , the thoughts of wanting someone …if those things don’t change then you will go down that path again and cheat. For the record this is my second marriage and before we got to this point we had a open and frank conversation about my past marriage why it failed and what I learned from it otherwise we couldn;t go forward

      1. Communication is key and I’m so very glad you’re happy now! Like with anything, a cheater will not change unless they see something wrong with their behavior and desire from the heart to change themselves. I’ve had two experiences with it and both were unwilling or unable to change. That’s why I said “in my experience.” I would never go so far as to paint everyone with the same brush.

      2. I know for me it was not what she did meaning ex wife but how I reacted …I knew I should have spoke up more, I learned about myself and saw a different side I didn’t like about me so if I didn’t want this to happen again I knew I had to change

      3. And of course you’re so very right! A person CAN cheat and never have sex with the other person. Or at least, shall we call it, undermining the marriage. Because if you make your significant other feel worthless, unwanted, and unloved, it comes to the same end: a break in trust and a break in the emotional connection. Leering at women (or men if you’re the wife), constantly flirting and seeking out other women’s or men’s company (even if it’s just for an ego boost or fun and no plans to have sex are considered), you’re hurting your marriage in a very deep and profound way.

      4. Now you touched on something that was a sore point for me when my marriage ended …ex wife never cheated but I didn’t feel the love the support and emotional connection and it was those things that made it easier for me to look and want and cheat

  3. I have found that it is very difficult to write out a response without pronoun issues. LOL I say YOU but don’t mean either of you who commented already…I use it interchangeably with “one,” as in “one should do this and one should do that…” Sorry for my lack of formal writing coherence and subsequent pronoun confusion.

    1. regardless of whether you use pronouns or adjectives your comments are always welcome here Wendy.

      1. Thanks! I always feel so formal using the word “one,” and then it seems strange to say “they did this or they did that…” I’m just a literary mess. LOL

      2. LOL no need to apologize my friend it’s all good here

  4. I feel the reluctance in wanting to trust someone again stems from their fear of being hurt again. Not everyone has the heart to forgive and move on with an open heart. You always hold back a piece of what’s broken you and that little piece keeps nudging you. This isn’t bad because of course one ought to be cautious but should that stop you from giving people a second chance? I don’t think so. I loved this post. There is so much to ponder over.

    1. Well as stated in the post I am speaking from experience and from the stand point of the one who cheated but learned some powerful and painful lessons

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